So its been quite a while, a long while...

But I finally am equiped with a computer. Once again.

I really miss writing in this blog and I plan on continuing it.
So if you stalk it... well here you go.
:D

Thank you Kayla for the computer. Although its slow, its still a computer, so I am pretty excited about that. (:

What do you do?

What do you do, when you can't get through,
to the people you love, who just can't seem to get a clue?

What do you do, when you want to help someone,
who just can't seem to stop something they've already begun?

What do you do, when you've fallen in love,
with someone already taken, who is all you can think of?

What do you do, when your friends are hurt,
how do you get their broken hearts to revert?

What do you do, when you can't get through,
not only to them, but also to you?

What do you do?

I'm holding onto the end of a balloon string, and I just can't seem to let go...

I don't want this dream to fade away.

So, I tie the balloon string around my wrist and never let it get away, for if it does, I will never see it again, and right now, I'm just not ready to let go.

I miss the days and the moments when we didn't know what the hell we were doing and we loved every minute of it.
The days when we were lost in our own worlds and every problem that crossed our mind the night before just drifted away.

I miss you, but I'm trying not to care anymore, because I know you don't, not as much as me at least.

Girls just wanna have fun...

So ticked off today.
For so many reasons.

Mostly because of last night.

Honestly, there are some people that I just secretly hate.

Orientation is Wednesday.
Thank god.

To be quite honest, I can't wait to start doing school work again.
And working at home, away from all the drama bullshit, annoying people, and teachers that don't really do a good job explaining things to me, I think I'll be able to actually get shit done, and done well.

Chilling out today, away from everyone.
I need a day away from all the people in my life that are driving me insane, or well, everyone at the moment.

Thats it for now.

Its 5 o'clock in the morning...

and I'm sitting here balling my eyes out.
So much on my mind.

Truth:

I miss going to shows more than anything!

I miss the feeling of being happy. Being with my friends, surrounded by walls boxing in all the blaring music that makes me feel so infinite.

Letters...

Dear you guys,

You will never ever quite understand how much you all mean to me. How much you made me who I am today. You'll never be able to comprehend the love I have for you guys and how much I feel like I owe so much to you. How much I miss you, when truly, you all can hardly remember me anymore. It makes me so sad, and I wish there was a way I could just let to. No one really understands how much you guys all mean to me. No one. And it hurts so much, that we all faded apart. I hate it so much, but dispite all that, I will never deny that you guys are a group of incredible guys who make music that saves lives. Thank you. I am forever if your debt.

Dear you,

Even after all this shit, I can't let you go. And I won't. My heart will always have a special place for you and I hope I'll always be in yours, because I know I was. I hope that no matter what, we will always have that awesome bond, the one that seems so unreal. The bond that no one but us will understand. I love you, from the bottom of my heart and not seeing you all summer has hurt really bad. I don't want to stay away anymore and continue to not talk to, because you just seem like one of those people I need to have in my life.

Dear my inspiration,

You will never read this, so it seems completely pointless, but I just think that you should know, that there are so many amazing and thoughtful words I want to send your way. And hopefully one day, we will cross paths again and I'll be able to sit down and tell you everything. About how much you inspire me and make me feel like things will all work out, no matter what. You make me feel like I can do anything. Your just a kid from vegas, who is already changing the world, and I thank you for everything that you have taught me so far.

Dear you little shit,

I want to love you and be there for you. I want to understand, because that is what family is for, but you have torn me and the rest of your family apart so many times and to be completely straight up with you, I just don't think I can put myself back together again, and I don't think the rest of your family can either. The heartbreak and pain you have put have us through is too much to handle now, because we are already so destroyed. I'm sorry, but this is me telling you, that I finally am letting go. I can't waste my time anymore with you. I don't want to go down with you on your sinking ship. Sorry.

Dear Sugar,

There is so much that I could say to you, words and words to describe how much I truly love you, and even still, that wouldn't be enough. Without you, living here and being happy, just doesn't seem possible. You taught me that even when you are a stranger, you have to be able to open up and show everyone who you really are, and thats what I did, because of you. I'm no longer that stranger that I was at the beginning of the school year. There is so much, that I want to tell you; about how pissed off I can get at you, when you aren't around or how much I worry, when you won't talk to me about whats on your mind. Or the things that I don't think are good for you and the things I think are. I don't think I'll ever be able to hurt you, because I can not stand watching you deal with pain and heartbreak, because inside it breaks me down too. I just want you to remember and always know, that I love you. No matter what I do, or say, or whatever we go through, remember that I'll always love you. And thats it.

Dear Snot,

3 years strong, and still we continue to grow stronger, even with states between us. There is basically no way that I could describe us, not in a paragraph or a million page essay. Truly, there is no one like you. No one like you, that will ever walk into my life the way you did. The other night I sat up and talked to a good friend about when I met you. My first impression of you and our many memories of sitting in art class, when all of this really began. I miss you but at the same time, you seem so near. There is no bond that anyone could have that even compares to ours. I don't think it will ever end either, and I'm completely content with that. I can't even picture my life without you and I love you so much for that.

...there is so much more, but its almost 4 AM and I'm beat. ~to be continued~ (maybe)