The need to write has been weighing on me...

since about, hm...I'd say maybe 4:30 today.

So much has happened lately.
In my life.
And especially in every ones surrounding mine.

Re-connected with lost friends.
Created a very strong bond with someone very special to me.
Said goodbye for 3 weeks.
Met new friends.
Worried over a friend in the hospital.
Found out who I was through a stranger.
And wow, just so much stuff has happened.

This has definitely been a very intense and eventful summer.
Not so much openly.
But looking deeper into it.

Took a walk with Frankie today.
It was really good.
Walking.
I like it.
With music.

I could walk walk walk.
I just felt good today walking.

Got me thinking about stuff.
About how much I miss writing.
About how much I miss being passionate about something in my life.

Music has been insane lately.
New music has just been popping up everywhere since summer started.
My ears have been extremely happy.

Part of me definitely feels older since summer has started.
Eliminated drama and focused on other things.
More important things to me.

Like my family especially.
About how much I truly love them.
And how some of them feel about certain situations they just can't change.
How certain important people who they used to be so close to...just...change.
Those family members who want things to be perfect, be happy and live in a world where everything just seems to fit, but in a way it always feels like a competition.
Those family members who are sick of today, tomorrow and yesterday. Who continue to wait for something better.


And my friends.
About how much I worry about how things will go when I don't see them for 3 weeks and they worry about being themselves in a room full of strangers.
Or how they are feeling right now after some intense surgery interrupting the planned vacation that they've been waiting on all summer.
Or how broken hearted and alone they must feel after someone so special to them ended things so fast.
Or how life has been for those lost friends who are struggling to find what they are hoping for and searching for so hard in their world of confusion.
About those friends who changed and forget whats really important in life, and how they are going to realize it hopefully sooner than later.
Those friends who remind me to daydream, of something more exciting and unreal. Something that only happens in dreams but in some stupid way, makes me feel so much better about pretty much everything.


I've spent my summer nights searching.
Learning from myself and all the other people around me.
And last night, I discovered who I was.
Remembered the things that brought passion to my life.
The things that made me come alive.

Like writing and music.

Because I've seemed to have forgotten the feeling.
What it feels like after I spill out all my thoughts.
Letting go of what I held inside.
The things that weighed me down.
Opened them up for everyone to read.
The feeling of not being so alone anymore.

And the feeling of music.
The way my heart pounds like crazy when I hear a new song.
The way I just fall in love with everything about it.
The lyrics and melody.
The feeling of connecting to the music.
Understanding what they are going through.
Feeling like you aren't alone.

Music and writing, they just make me feel so much more normal.


I forgot what my passions were.
I forgot about what was more important to me.
What I really cared about.

And over the course of this last month of summer.
I found it again.

And I can honestly say
that I haven't been this
happy
in a really,
really long time.

(: