Its part of life, I know that.
But its just like, you say goodbye, but you never really think that its goodbye forever.
You just figure its a goodbye until next time.
But what happens when there is no next time.
Is the world really such a small place, that you'll cross paths with that person again?
Or is it all just a phrase to hide away the sadness and hollowness you feel once you've come to terms with the fact that you'll never see that person again?
I hate losing people.
If there was a way, I could just stop that.
Hold on to the people I love.
My friends.
My family.
Hold them so that no one could ever let them go, I would.
I hate getting close.
Loving new people who enter my life.
Because I know, one day, that they will eventually all disappear.
But like I said before, that is life.
Its what life is all about.
Making new friends and meeting new people.
But for what? Just so they can impact your life so much just to walk right out of it?
It just doesn't make sense to me.
People say, "Everything happens for a reason."
But why in the world, can someone give me any real reason as to why someone would just come right into you life, impact it so drastically, and then all the sudden leave it? How in the world could there be a real reasonable explanation for that?
I just don't understand.
I hate it.
I hate that I lose everything important to me.
Everyone that really matters.
I hate it so much.
I miss my brother, the one who I was so extremely close to. But now we live separate lives, in separate places, and truth be told we are just to very different people these days. I feel like nothing between us will ever be the same, and I just don't know why. I know we aren't fighting, and its nothing against one another. I just know we are different now and things aren't the same as they were last summer when we were best friends. I hate that I lost you. And you were the real reason for this blog. But I can't help but feel extreme unhappiness and work my way up into this emotional wreckt when I think of every meaningful conversation we shared throughout the summer and long into the winter. You were honestly my best friend and even more than that, you were definitely the only brother I could have ever wished to have.
I miss everyone I left behind in Maryland. All my old friends and family. It wasn't my choice to leave you, but like I said, and I'll say it again, that's just the way the world works. Its just fate, I guess. All those neverending memories with everyone there will forever have a secure place in my heart.
I miss everyone I left behind in Florida also. I miss all those people I once called my friends. The people who made my years growing up then so amazing. The only people I ever knew, because I was so young. You were a part of me once too, and I'll never forget my years growing up there.
I miss my dad. Who I never really knew. Someone who obviously brought me into this world and someone who would be nice to know. But apparently everything happens for a reason, right? I wonder if I'll ever know a legit reason why fate chose to not let me have a real relationship with him.
I miss all of my family. From all over. The people who I was never truly close to, and to be honest, the people who I was always somewhat afraid to get too close to. I'll never really know how close we could have been, and once again thats all decided apon fate.
Is it possible to control fate? To decide a situation and change the future.
I definitely believe so, but how does anyone know weither that turn of fate will benefit them or not.
You don't, until it happens.
Strange how everything works.
It just hurts.
For anyone who stepped into my life and by some strange twist of fate, walked right out, I wonder how life could have been if the tables had turned the opposite direction.
I'm sorry to everyone who I've walked out on.
Because the real truth to it is, that we are all victims in this unusual situation.
This was just something I felt that I had to get it off my chest.
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